When You've Outgrown the Cost (But Not the Career)

She's on her third trip this month. Dubai last week, Paris now, New York next week.

The itinerary is packed: set up at 7am, back-to-back appointments until 9pm, pack down, flight home. Running on adrenaline and coffee, responding to emails between meetings, knowing there's a mountain of work waiting when she lands because her actual job hasn't stopped just because she's traveling.

Ten years ago, she would have killed for this. The travel, the prestigious brands, the front-row access. In her early twenties, she had the energy for it. She was learning, proving herself, building credibility. The travel felt like an adventure, not an obligation.

But now she's not just attending, she's the one clients are flying in to see. She's leading the appointments, managing the relationships, carrying the commercial targets. One misstep and it reflects on the entire brand.

And there's no recovery time. No lieu days before or after. Just straight back into it.

Or maybe it's not travel for you. Maybe it's the retail leadership role working long hours and weekends, managing high-value client relationships with sky-high expectations, navigating internal politics that exhaust you more than the actual work. Maybe it's the global time zones that mean 7am and 9pm calls are both normal. Maybe it's the endless restructures where you're doing three people's jobs. Maybe it's peak season that never seems to end.

The specifics vary, but the feeling is the same.

From the outside, it still looks like the dream. People see the Devil Wears Prada glamour.

But from the inside, you can't catch your breath, and you feel ungrateful for even thinking that because you do recognise the privilege. You know how many people would love to work at these brands, have this level of responsibility, earn what you earn.

But here's what's actually happening: you haven't fallen out of love with fashion. You've just outgrown the cost of the career model you've been operating in.

The shine has worn off. And what made perfect sense at 24 doesn't fit who you are after you’ve hit your mid-thirties or forties.

You just can't see how to change it without blowing everything up and starting all over again.

Why This Happens in Fashion (And Why It's Not Just You)

I spent over a decade in luxury fashion at some big names including NET-A-PORTER, Liberty and Mulberry, leading high performing team of 40+ people and £40m turnover, before I was made redundant in 2024 when MATCHES closed down. I lived this exact pattern myself.

So when I work with clients now, I'm not observing from the outside. I know what it feels like to be brilliant at your job and completely exhausted by it at the same time.

What I've come to understand is the qualities that got you to this level - being reliable, going above and beyond, solving problems before they escalate -weren't character flaws. They were smart adaptive responses that genuinely worked.

Early in your career, this approach set you apart. You stayed late to finish the buy. You covered when someone was off. You said yes to the last-minute market trip. You handled the client escalation on Saturday because you knew it mattered.

And it did work because you got promoted, earned respect and built credibility.

These weren't bad choices. They were the right choices at that stage of your career.

But today your priorities have shifted and likely your life is more complex. Perhaps you have a young family now or want to start one, and have aging parents that you want to spend more time with. Perimenopause is approaching or hitting and you want to prioritise your health more, or maybe you simply just want work to stop consuming everything.

The context has changed. But the pattern hasn't.

So now you're still saying yes when you want to say no. Still staying silent when expectations feel unrealistic. Still taking on more because you're worried what pushback will cost you.

When you're inside a pattern, it's almost impossible to see it clearly and that's not your fault.

The industry's expectations aren't going to change. But here's what most people don't realise: you have more control and choices than it feels like here.

Not control over the demands. But control over how you respond and what you accept, push back on and decide is non-negotiable.

The Three Costs You've Outgrown

If this is resonating, here's what you've likely outgrown:

1. The Availability Cost

The expectation that you're always accessible. That your phone is on. That client escalations in the evening are just part of the job. That traveling for work means being "on" from the moment you land until the moment you leave.

In your twenties, this felt manageable, just part of paying your dues and proving yourself. But at this stage of your life it feels unsustainable.

One client described it perfectly: "I used to wear being busy as a badge of honor. Now I just want to be able to switch off without feeling guilty."

If you’re nodding here, this week I invite you to notice when you say yes automatically versus when you actively choose to say yes. When does "yes" come from genuine commitment, and when does it come from fear of what "no" might cost you? You don't have to change anything yet, just notice the difference.

2. The Performance Cost

The version of yourself you've been maintaining that isn't quite you.

The one who's always enthusiastic, never uncertain, constantly proving your worth. The one who doesn't push back on unrealistic expectations because you don't want to seem difficult. The one who's learned to shrink or amplify depending on the room.

It’s exhausting isn’t it, and at some point you realise you don't want to spend the next 30 years performing.

Something to try this week: Write two lists, "Things I do because I think I should" and "Things I actually want to do." Don't edit yourself. Just notice where the gap is. You might be surprised by how much of your day is spent performing what you think people expect, rather than doing what actually aligns with who you are now.

3. The Sacrifice Cost

What you've given up, or what you're watching slip away, because work always comes first.

The relationships that suffer because you're exhausted and unavailable. The health issues you ignore because there's no time to deal with them. The moments with your kids, your partner, your parents that you're missing because you're glued to your phone or distracted thinking about your schedule.

If you're feeling like this, I invite you to choose one non-negotiable thing that matters to you outside of work. It doesn't have to be big like dinner with your partner or friend on Wednesdays, a Saturday morning walk, or calling your mum on Sundays. Schedule it and protect it like you would a client meeting. Notice what comes up when you try to hold that boundary.

These three practices won't solve everything but they will start to show you where your control is and where you've been giving it away without realising it over time. That awareness is the foundation you need to see the full pattern clearly enough before designing something that fits you better.

What’s Possible

You don't have to leave fashion or even start over completely if you don't want to. It's time to redesign your relationship with work.

For some of my clients, that's meant staying within a fashion company but enforcing boundaries they'd never thought possible to protect their time and energy without damaging relationships with their boss or team, and discovering they respect them more for it anyway.

For others, it's meant pivoting into consultancy or freelance work that uses the exact same skills but gives them the flexibility and freedom to focus on the actual work they love. Not getting bogged down with all the politics and HR challenges that took up so much of their time before, and having control over their own schedule.

The shift isn't about working less (though that might be part of it). It's about designing a career around who you are now, not who you had to be at 23 to prove yourself.

It's about knowing what your non-negotiables are and not compromising on them, and trusting your own judgment instead of outsourcing every decision to expectations, industry norms, or what you think you "should" want.

You Haven't Lost Your Ambition

You haven't failed, and you haven't become difficult or high-maintenance. You've just outgrown what it costs to stay where you are.

You also don't have to figure this out alone. I work with women navigating exactly this shift, from stuck and exhausted to clear and in control. If you want to explore what that could look like for you, I’m here if you’d like to have a confidential no-obligation chat.

The patterns you can't see on the inside become clearer when you create some space.

The True Fit™ is a 12-week 1:1 partnership for thoughtful, high-achieving leaders in fashion who've succeeded their way into senior roles that no longer fulfill them, and are ready to figure out what they actually want instead of defaulting to what's expected.